The Product of Our Love
by madkrizzy
Summary: Three weeks after Augustus' death, Hazel notices that something is wrong and is rushed into hospital. Could this change her life forever?
1. Chapter 1

Three weeks after Augustus died, I started feeling slightly sick. Like, not just cancer sick, but something different. I tried to ignore it, thinking it would pass, but every morning was the same. Sick.

"Hazel?" my mom asked worriedly as she rushed into my room for the third time this morning. She looked up to see me retching all over the place, splattering my few possessions with unpleasant green blobs. I didn't have many things in my room now – too many of them reminded me of Augustus, and I couldn't cope with the hurt every day – but almost everything I did have had been touched by my puke.

"I'm fine, Mom," I told her, but she knew I wasn't.

"Oh, honey!" she exclaimed as I sat down on my bed, all puked out. Taking strands of hair off my face, she cleared up my skin with a cloth before scuttling out and returning with a larger cloth to tackle the floor.

"Hazel, are you sure we don't need to go and see someone at the hospital? If you feel like your cancer's getting worse, we need to go. Now."

I grumbled something negative in response, but she obviously took it as confirmation that we did, in fact, need to go to the hospital.

"Up! Into the car!" my mom shouted after she had finished cleaning the floor. "And yes, I'll record all of the episodes of America's Next Top Model that are on today."

I still didn't feel like going to the hospital, but ANTM was a good bribe.

I dragged myself out of my room, still in my pink, stripy pyjamas and my fluffy slippers, and almost managed to make it to the car by myself before my mom decided I needed help.

"Honestly, Mom, I'm fine," I protested weakly, but she still walked me to the car door and helped me in.

"That's what you said before you were taken in last time," she replied, sighing. "I just want to make sure you're okay. I don't want to lose you as suddenly as…"

"As Augustus?" I shot back. "You didn't lose Augustus, Mom. I did. His parents did. The only kid you'll lose to the shitty thing they call cancer is me."

Mom didn't say anything else until we got to the hospital.

The ambulances outside the hospital blared their sirens even though they'd already arrived at their destination. I tried to ignore them as we walked in to the Emergency Department, but found myself wondering about the stories of the people in them. Their life, their friends, their family. Augustus had rubbed off on me again.

"Do you have any idea what could have caused this?" Mom asked as she rushed in, dragging me by the arm. "Y'know, in case they ask you directly or anything."

I contemplated the question for a moment before answering. "Nope. They said that my cancer wasn't getting any worse, so I don't know."

Mom sighed. "Your guess is as good as mine, honey." That was a trademark mom phrase she liked to use. I wanted to nag her about it, but knew from the look on her face that she was already stressed enough.


	2. Chapter 2

I went to sit down on one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs as my mom walked over to talk to the lady in charge. She was obviously quickly ushered away, as she soon came over and sat next to me, grumbling about the lack of care.

"I don't think you're one to complain, Mom," I commented. "I mean, they kinda cared for your daughter well so far."

She smiled slightly, leaning forward to pick up a magazine to flick through. "I guess. I'm just worried, Hazel." She looked up at the nurses rushing around, fluttering between new cases coming in from ambulances. "I'd pick up something to read, if I were you. We could be some time."

I took her advice, and spread the small collection of magazines over the table so I could see them. I think it's compulsory for hospitals to have a pretty crappy range of magazines – cars, gossip, that kind of thing. Let's make people even more bored than they already are!

I eventually decided on a rather cheap looking 'House and Home' magazine.

"This is terrible," I later proclaimed to my mom, holding the magazine up in disgust.

"I bet mine is worse," she countered, showing me the cover of 'Diets for You'.

"Okay, you win."

A nurse soon came over to check me over and ask me a few questions. She was old and looked down at me from her height, her glasses sliding down her nose. I stifled laughter as she asked me to stand up.

"Name?"

"Hazel Grace Lancaster."

"Do you have any medical conditions, Hazel?"

"Thyroid cancer that spread to my lungs." I pointed to the oxygen tank beside me.

"Right, okay. Why are you here today?"

My mom cut in at this point. "She's been sick – physically vomiting – in the morning for the past few days. We were wondering whether it was anything to do with her cancer."

"I'm not trained in that particular field," she said flatly. "But I can try and get hold of your doctor."

Mom smiled slightly, apparently unfazed by the extremely unenthusiastic nurse, reciting the details about my doctor and my illness while I went back to reading about houses. It wasn't particularly interesting, but better than listening to that lady's voice. I was just getting into reading about floral wallpaper when my mom tapped me on the shoulder.

"You remember where the ward is, right?"

I nodded, stifling a sigh. This was the way she let me be independent – by walking her to the Children's cancer ward. How thrilling.

"The nurse said that the doctors will meet us there. You're lucky – they have a bed free."

This time I did sigh. "So they presume I'll need to be staying for a bit?"

"It's just precautionary, Hazel. I'm sure there'll be a simple explanation, like your drugs or something."

Like there had ever been a simple explanation to my illness before. I walked off, trusty oxygen cart in tow, and my mom had no choice but to end the conversation and follow.

It didn't take long to get to the cancer ward and, as promised, my cancer doctor was there along with a couple of others I hadn't met before. They were all smiles, which worried me slightly. Happiness is something I didn't ever associate with hospitals – they weren't a place you went out of choice, just if you were ill – which is a bad thing, right?

"Josie, Andrew, this is Hazel Grace Lancaster. Her case is quite an extraordinary one, isn't it Hazel?"

I nodded sheepishly, not quite sure why I was.

"Oh, I never told you! Hazel, these are student doctors currently spending time looking at cancer treatment and prevention. I recommended your case to them, and they have spent some time reviewing it. I was hoping you would let them in today while we try and discover what's wrong."

I just nodded again, knowing that what I said probably wouldn't make a difference. Besides, I knew my sarcastic comments wouldn't be appreciated here.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: **

**Hi there! The author finally talks :) Thank you so much for reading, reviewing and following - I never thought this would actually be somewhat popular. Apologies if I'm wrong with any of the details regarding American hospitals in the next few chapters - I'm English, so I don't know much about them. If I get something wrong, feel free to PM me and correct it!**

**Anyway, I'm rambling. Thanks again for reading - I hope you continue to enjoy it!**

* * *

><p>"Great! If you'd like to come this way," he said, walking off towards his office. The two young doctors followed, as did Mom and I, but at a distance.<p>

"Last time these student doctors came, you had to suffer through three months of those trial drugs," Mom complained.

I nodded. "Yeah, but they haven't killed me yet!"

"Hazel."

"Sorry."

Mom was ushered into the office by one of the student doctors while the other led me to the free bed.

"Is there anything I can get for you while you wait?" he asked.

I shook my head. "What am I waiting for?"

"Your regular doctor just needs to finish explaining your case to us, and your mum can then fill in some forms to agree to us being able to shadow your case. Josie will then come and assess your condition, and you might have to go for some scans to make sure everything's okay."

Everything's not okay, if you hadn't guessed, I thought, but merely nodded and thanked the student before he toddled off back to the office.

It didn't take long for my mom to emerge from the office. She quickly walked over to where I was sitting.

"Hazel," she said.

I looked up momentarily from the magazine I had been flicking through – someone had left it on the side. An almost solemn look spread across her face.

"They want to take you for some scans, just to check out your lungs. It's possible that some water may have got in your lungs, or…"

"What?" I asked.

"The cancer may have spread further. They don't know, nothing's definite – it's just a means of checking out the problem."

I nodded, putting the magazine back on the table next to me. "Am I going now?"

The two student doctors walking towards my bed answered that question for me.

"I'll be here when you get back, okay?" Mom said as the doctors wheeled me away.

"Okay," I choked out, remembering the last time I had said those words. With Augustus. The thought almost made me cry, so I must have looked like I was in pain.

"Are you all right?" the female doctor asked, looking quite worried. I nodded, not wanting to explain why I was on the verge of tears. She must have trusted my judgement, as she turned around and continued to wheel me out of the ward towards another part of the hospital.

"We're just going to take some X-rays," the male doctor explained. "I presume you've had some done before?"

"Yeah," I replied. "Although it was quite a long time ago now – I've been doing fine on Phalanxifor so I haven't needed any for a while."

"Ah, okay," the male doctor commented.

We stayed in virtual silence until we got to the X-ray room.

"Now I know all girls your age hate being asked this question," the female student began, using one of the most patronising voices I'd ever heard, "but since you're 16, I have to ask you. Is there any chance you could be pregnant?"

I shook my head before thinking back to the first and only time I'd had sex. With Augustus. We'd used contraception, so surely there was no chance?

"Wait." I put my hand up to show her I was thinking. "There might be. Like, I'm probably being paranoid, but I think it's best to check, right?"

"Right," the doctor agreed. "Tell you what, I'll get you a pregnancy test now and you can go test while we're prepping the machine."

"Thanks." Fear struck me as she left my side. What if I was? It wasn't possible, I told myself. We used contraception, and I would have noticed by now. I hadn't had any symptoms as such, so this was just a necessary precaution that would show nothing. Calm yourself, Hazel.


	4. Chapter 4

The woman soon came back, test in hand, giving me a patronising smile that was probably meant to be somewhat comforting. She needed to work on that.

I thanked her again before rushing off to the toilet, desperately hoping my mum wouldn't see me on the way there. The toilet wasn't too far away, but my mum had her ways of checking up on me, even when there were plenty of people already doing that job for her.

Luckily, I managed to get there without much fuss. And when I say luckily, I mean it.

No. No. This couldn't be happening.

It had to be wrong.

It had to be.

There was no way…

No.

When I got back, the female doctor knew the result before I even spoke – the tears still streaming down my face said it all.

"I guess the scans will have to wait," she commented, before putting her arm around my shoulder and hugging me slightly. "Do you want to go and tell your mom?"

I shrugged. "What am I supposed to say?"

"That's your decision, Hazel, but you're going to have to tell her one way or another."

"But how? This wasn't meant to happen!" I collapsed onto the floor in tears, knocking Philip over at the same time. "This wasn't how it was meant to be! Augustus wasn't meant to die, I wasn't meant to get pregnant, and none of this was meant to happen!"

I could feel myself getting short of breath even with the cannula, but I couldn't stop myself.

"I wish I'd never gone to Amsterdam. I wasted Augustus' wish on a stupid author and now this has happened!" A new wave of tears flooded from my eyes.

"Hazel," the female doctor said softly, obviously trying to calm me down somewhat. "If it's too hard for you, I'll get your usual doctor to tell your mom and then we can discuss your options."

I shook my head before wiping my tears from my eyes. "The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars but in ourselves."

The doctor looked confused. I held my hand out and explained while she helped me up.

"It's my fault – I've got to tell her."

I shuffled out slowly, oxygen tank in hand, and almost made it to the door before I started crying again.

What was I going to do? Having a kid while battling cancer wasn't exactly the best idea. And it wasn't just mine – it was Augustus' too.

What would my mom say? My dad? Would they be shocked? Annoyed? Sad?

Would I be able to cope with pregnancy? And looking after the baby?

Oh God. I was going to become one of those cases on documentaries – "The Idiots Who Became Pregnant at 16". My mom and I used to laugh at those. Would she laugh at me?

What would Augustus say if he was here?

I could feel myself getting more and more stressed as I walked back to the Children's ward, and when I saw my mom sitting reading a magazine I felt myself fill with dread.

It should have been cancer.

Why couldn't it have been cancer?

No, Hazel. Stop, I told myself. This is better. It's a new life.

But pregnancy and parents and-

No. It is better.


	5. Chapter 5

"Mom," I called out, but almost no sound escaped my lips; my throat was too dry from worrying. She looked up, a surprised expression on her face.

"Hazel?" she questioned. "You're back early. Is everything okay?"

I fought the urge to nod and shrug off my predicament as just a complication with the equipment. Looking behind, I saw that the female doctor had followed me out, but had given me enough space to tell my mom before she arrived.

Better to get it over and done with, right?

"No," I admitted, wiping yet another tear from my eye.

"Oh God," my mom exclaimed. "Please don't tell me… No, it can't be…"

"Cancer?" I said. Mom just nodded sadly and I shook my head in response. She let out a small sigh of relief before speaking again.

"Oh, thank God. So the Phalanxifor is still working fine?"

I nodded, smiling sadly at her slight happiness.

"So what's the matter then? If it's not cancer, what else could it be?" she said, suddenly getting anxious. "It's not anything serious, is it?"

I tried to speak, but found it was hard to even get a word out. It was like all the air had been sucked out of my already suckish lungs while my oxygen tank had simultaneously given up.

"I… We… In…" I sighed, giving up with talking. I just pointed to my stomach and waited for the cogs to turn in my mom's brain. It took a while – long enough for the female doctor to walk over – but when she realised, she had to choke back a sob.

"Oh, Hazel…" Mom gave me a look of almost disapproval, before turning to the female doctor, who confirmed what I had just implied.

"Obviously, it's very early days, so we have no idea whether Hazel will be able to carry on with the pregnancy. This will require further tests, both in the interests of the mother and the baby," the female doctor warned. "I understand that you may want to talk about your options, so I have some leaflets that you can take home to discuss before you come back to us and decide on the best route to take."

I nodded slowly, trying to process at least some of what the lady had just said. I was still in shock. How could my life change so dramatically in just a few minutes?

I could see that Mom was having trouble processing it too. I put my arm around her and squeezed her tightly. Eventually, she spoke again.

"Can I ring up later to make an appointment?"

"Of course," the doctor said, pressing a stack of leaflets into my mom's hand. "We understand that this is a massive change for both you and Hazel, so we will try and make this as easy for you as possible."

Mom nodded, her eyes glazed over. She couldn't focus because of her shock. We thanked the female doctor quickly and she let us leave the ward.

Mom and I didn't say another word to each other until we got home, which worried me slightly.

Was she going to shout at me for this?

Would she reject me?

Support me?


	6. Chapter 6

"Hazel," my mom said sternly, steering me into the living room. "Sit down."

I obliged. Her tone of voice was worrying.

"I'm not going to ask when, and I know how. All I want to know is why."

"Why?"

"Why did you have to get pregnant? I've warned you before, you know, about protection… Oh, Hazel…"

"Mom, are you blaming this on me?" I could feel my cheeks getting warmer even as I spat out the words.

"Well, can you see anyone else to blame?" Mom sighed. "Look, Hazel, I know you're a sensible girl but all it takes is one mistake and this happens and I don't know how I'm going to cope…"

"How you're going to cope? I'm sorry, who's pregnant here?" I said, blinking hard and trying to control my tears. "We used protection. We loved each other, Mom, and so we did what you do when you love each other."

Mom just sighed again, seemingly unable to respond. I took the chance to speak.

"I can, and will, cope with this pregnancy. I am not incapable of things just because of my cancer, okay?"

"Hazel, you don't understand!"

"What don't I understand?" I shouted, getting exasperated. I hadn't really known how I'd wanted this conversation to go, but this was definitely not it.

"This is not going to make your health any better, Hazel. It's going to make it worse and I'm going to be hit by the consequences."

I knew what she wanted to say, but she didn't dare say it. She wanted to say that I was going to leave her with my child because I wouldn't survive. I knew that, but it still hurt to know she thought it.

"It might well make my health worse. I might even die." My mom choked back a sob when I said this, but I continued. "But if I die bringing a child into this world, that's much better than biting it solely from cancer."

Mom nodded solemnly, slightly opening her mouth as if she was going to say something then closing it again, perhaps deciding against it.

"So it's settled then?"

Mom looked up.

"Me. The pregnancy. It's continuing, if only so I can bring a child into this world when I leave it."

"Hazel, don't say it like that! It makes it sound so horrible, so…"

"So real?" I replied. "That's because it is. I've accepted it."

"Well, we'll have to talk to your dad about it – I think he'll be surprised, to say the least." She wiped a tear from her eye and put her arm around my shoulders.

"I think we all are."

I got Mom to drive me to Isaac's house – it gave me time to talk to him and time for her to be in the house alone processing the day's events. I dragged Philip to the front door and was greeted by Isaac's mom.

"Hi," I said. "Is Isaac in?"

"Yeah," his mom replied, almost tripping over their dog to get to the front door. "He's in his room. Just up the stairs." She pointed there, as if I'd never been there before. I smiled politely and lugged Philip up the stairs.

A short knock on the door and Isaac shouted a mixture of words that I assumed to mean something along the lines of 'Come in!'

"Hi, Isaac. It's Hazel," I said, sitting down on the chair just outside the door. Isaac turned his head from where he was sitting on his bed, pausing the game he was playing, and smiled.

"Hazel! Long time no see."

"Indeed," I replied as casually as I could. "You've got a dog, I see!"

"Yeah. Mom thinks it'll help with the sensory aspect of things. Y'know, since I can't actually see things, which sucks. Apparently the smells and touching of the dog will heighten my other senses."

"Sounds thrilling."

Isaac laughed. "It's something my mom read somewhere – she tends to believe anything, so long as it was published on the Internet. He does make good company though."

"What's his name?"

"Marley. And yes, before you ask, he was named after the dog in Marley and Me. Mom's choice – apparently he's a Labrador."

"How cute!" I smiled widely, laughing so Isaac would know I was doing so. "He's only slightly bigger than a baby at the moment." Even the word baby made my stomach twist.

"He'll grow. Then he can flatten me when he sleeps on my bed at night!"

"Aww."

"So what's been up with you? How's college?"

"Good," I lied. I hadn't been for three weeks – not since Augustus died. I couldn't face the fake sympathy and the patronising 'friends'. They'd told me I could take all the time I needed, so I was planning to go back next week.

"Done anything interesting lately? Any 'juicy gossip'?" Isaac said, mimicking Kaitlyn. He'd laughed the first time I'd told him about her, and now tried to mimic her at least once every time we spoke.

To tell Isaac or not to tell Isaac? He was one of Augustus' closest friends, so I knew that he would have told him straight away, but I didn't know whether I could face telling him.

I didn't even know why – telling my mom had to be worse than telling Isaac, right?

"Long story…"


	7. Chapter 7

"I've got a long time to sit here and hear it," Isaac replied. When I stayed silent, he cocked his head to the side. "That bad?"  
>"You don't even know the half of it," I commented, laughing lightly but meaning what I said.<br>"Come sit, talk." He patted the space next to him on his bed, and I obliged, dragging Philip with me.  
>"Do you remember Amsterdam?" I blurted out.<br>"Not personally, but Augustus wouldn't stop talking about it afterwards. He loved going there with you, you know?"  
>"I know."<br>A few moments passed. I think Isaac knew I was building up to something, so he didn't try and sway the conversation off on a different tangent, which I was grateful for.  
>"Amsterdam was so good. Except the Christmas tree part," I commented idly, but my insides had started churning. Isaac just nodded.<br>"That did suck," he agreed.  
>"Like, how selfish can you get? Getting cancer again just before impregnating your girlfriend? And not telling her? I mean, I get he didn't know I'd get pregnant, but still!" I was laughing at my suddenly angry jokes, trying to make light of the situation because it was just so inexplicable.<br>"That part I don't remember him telling me about," Isaac said.  
>"You wouldn't," I said, laughing. "Funny thing is, he didn't tell me either."<br>I was laughing, but it wasn't a happy laugh – it was a maniacal laugh, one that spurred tears from my eyes. For once, I was glad Isaac couldn't see me.  
>"Hazel, are you all right?" Isaac took my hand.<br>"No. No, I'm not fucking all right." I was shaking, but I couldn't help it – something inside me had snapped, something else had clicked, and I'd just realised how much this meant. I used my free hand to wipe the tears that were rolling down my face.  
>"Hazel, what is it?"<br>"I'm pregnant, Isaac. I'm pregnant with Augustus' child and I can't do anything about it. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry."  
>Isaac didn't say a word, so I continued.<br>"I've never wanted to be a mom. I never thought I'd live long enough to become a mom, but that just goes to show how much I know, doesn't it?" A cackle escaped my mouth, and I could feel myself slipping into a breakdown but I couldn't find the brakes. This was going to be one big car crash.  
>"Hazel, are you kidding me?"<br>"Believe me, I wish I was," I said, smiling. "But no, this crappy life just had to get a little bit more problematic and the one person I need to tell isn't even here."  
>"You're pregnant?" Isaac stuttered.<br>"Yes, keep up, dimwit," I said, uttering words I didn't mean. "Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get annoyed with you – Heaven knows it's not your fault – and I definitely didn't mean to cry again, but it's just so overwhelming."  
>"Hazel. Breathe. Please."<br>In and out. It wasn't that hard to begin with, but the panic made me feel so constricted and my breaths just kept getting quicker and shorter, quicker and shorter.  
>"Hazel!" Isaac sounded worried now, but I was in too much trouble trying to breathe to reply to him.<p>

In and out.  
>Inandout.<br>Inandoutandinandoutandinandout.  
>Hyperventilating.<p>

"Hazel."  
>"Hazel, breathe with me."<br>"In. That's it. And out. Good."

It took too long to get my breathing under control, and as I sat on Isaac's bed with my head between my knees, I realised how stupid I looked. Puffy cheeks as usual, combined with flushed skin from an even larger lack of oxygen than usual, and a tear-stained face.  
>"Isaac, I'm so sorry," I said, looking up at him.<br>"You keep your head down, I'll talk," he replied, sensing my movement. I did as I was told.  
>"You're shocked. I get that. I know I'll never have to squeeze a baby out but I promise you, I understand how you're feeling."<br>"It's not just-" I started, but I was cut off.  
>"Mouth. Closed. You concentrate on your breathing. Look, I understand your shock and I'm here to support you, okay? Whatever you choose to do, I'll be here."<br>I squeezed his hand as a way of saying thank you.  
>"I think the best thing for you to do is to get some rest, Hazel. Think things over."<br>"I already have. I'm keeping the baby."  
>I couldn't see Isaac, but the slight tightening of his grip on my hand told me he was shocked. That was the only response I got to that statement, which I was glad about. I didn't need another confrontation or another hyperventilation session.<br>"Do you want me to call your mom and get her to pick you up?" he said, changing the subject. He knew that I couldn't speak to her in my current state.  
>I nodded, resting my head on his knee as yet another tear escaped my eye.<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, favourited or followed this story - I realise that my sporadic update schedule needs to change! :)**

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><p>When I got home, I was ushered into the living room. Stacks of print-outs and leaflets sat on the coffee table, piles so high they were on the verge of collapse.<p>

"Hazel, we need to talk." Dad was perched on the edge of the sofa as I walked in, wringing his hands. Looking closer, I could see he'd bitten his fingernails down, something he only ever did when he was very anxious.

I sat down on the chair opposite him and took a few deep breaths. This situation wasn't something they were taking well.

"How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?" I burst out as Mom entered the room. She jolted and spilt coffee down the sides of the two mugs she was carrying.

"We're not asking for apologies, Hazel," Mom said as she sat down next to Dad. "We know what's happened, and we don't want you to be sorry. All we want is to come to an educated decision as to how to continue."

"I'm keeping the baby."

Dad almost spat out his coffee.

"Hazel, are you sure that's the best option?" he asked. "Your mom and I have done some research into it – studies, records, that kind of thing – and it's unlikely you'd…" Tears had already started falling down his face by the time he'd made that far through his sentence.

"Hazel, you'll die if you carry this baby," Mom cuts in, prompting another sob from Dad.

"I'll die if I don't. And I don't mean I'll die in five or ten years' time, either. With or without this baby, I'll die soon, but I'd rather bring something in when I depart. I already told you this."

Looking up, I realised what a state Dad was in over this. I hadn't realised how much it could affect him, but thinking about it I knew that the talk of his daughter dying wasn't something he should ever be faced with. I was making it more complicated with a baby in tow.

Shifting in my seat, I kicked the table and a tsunami of leaflets fell on my feet. I picked one up and flicked through it, then another, then another. They all said the same thing – cancer and pregnancy shouldn't even happen in the first place.

Another said that the chances were that the test was faulty – it was impossible to have cancer and have a baby at the same time. A slightly more colourful one informed me that I would have a miscarriage, so it was almost nothing to worry about. All of them shared two things: the ability to patronise and the ability to scare me.

It wasn't long after that when I decided I'd had enough of the scare tactics, so dragged Philip to my room and shut the door.

.

I scrolled down my contact list, pressed his name then waited for his phone to ring.

"Hi, this is Augustus Waters. I'm otherwise engaged at the moment but feel free to leave a message and I'll call you back."

I could almost hear the smile in his voice, and it hurt.

The phone beeped and I realised that it was recording, then wondered why I was bothered whether there was a pause at the beginning or not. It wasn't like he was ever going to hear it.

"Augustus…" I started, but it was like all the words I'd ever known had dissipated from my mind. "I… Want to hear some brilliant news?"

I looked down, let tears drip from my eyelids and then looked up again. I was surprised I was still able to cry, what with the few rivers I'd already cried today.

"Do you know any good baby names? I'm not sure on gender yet, so just give me a couple lists…"

"I'm pregnant, Augustus. I'm as shocked as you are. Cancer and a baby?"

"Amsterdam. That stupid freaking trip to Amsterdam."

"Mom says I can't keep it. You're okay with keeping it though, right?"

"Apparently the likelihood of either of us – me and the baby, that is – surviving is pretty slim, so no one will have to worry."

"Maybe I should talk to your mom and dad about it."

"Life has just found a new way to screw me over."

I mumbled on and on, still speaking to the phone, to the Augustus that was forever preserved in that voicemail message. Somehow, speaking to him helped me to cope, however much it made me cry.

Eventually, the voicemail cut me off with another beep, and I curled up on my bed in a whimpering heap, clutching my phone.

"I need you here, Augustus."


End file.
